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Hi I believe your husband could be my uncle, and yes what I know of the Tomes family is very confusing to me too. My father's name is Terry Tomes. His father was Ivan Tomes, mother Rebecca Graves. I know that Ivan and Rebecca had seven or eight children in Chicago, IL and that Ivan left the family when my father was very young. I hardly know my own father but from the little info that i have, apparently his father did start a new family, or several from what it seems.
I realize this posting is fairly old but I am new to this site and I just started my Tomes family search so any new information you have found since your posting would be appreciated.
Thank you and good luck in your search.
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