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The harsh truth, Amy, is that in our culture there is no such thing as a 'family' coat-of-arms. An achievement of arms (including shield, helm, crest, supporters, etc.) can only belong to one person at a time, and is inheritable property. As a rule, the eldest son inherits the undifferenced arms, and younger sons make changes to 'difference' their arms. In some cases, inheritance can be through daughters where there are no surviving sons; and the armiger's grandsons quarter his arms with their father's.
An exception is Canada where ladies can be granted arms in their own right, and daughters can inherit the right to armorial bearings. A system of cadency for daughters also exists.
While the above is basically correct, there are exceptions. For example, the Japanese mon is esentially a family crest. Even so, if your background is the USA or Commonwealth, in general the above will apply. To purchase and display a 'family' coat-of-arms (or, preserve us, 'family crest') is essentially to steal someone's property and claim it as your own. It is also displays massive ignorance on the matter, and opens one up to considerable ridicule. For example, when one's grandfather has purchased a shield of the 'family crest' and displayed in in his living room for decades; it becomes accepted by the family as genuine. A chance encounter with the actual owner, or a presentation of the arms to the College of Heralds as genuine can be embarassing for all concerned. In Britain and Canada, it can also lead to legal difficulties.
In the USA there are no practical controls on the use of civic or personal arms. As a result, many feel free to use any arms they think fit, or (in the case of some municipalities)to design their own heraldic monstrosity. I think, however, that should your surname be Kennedy, and you chose to use JFK's arms (and they exist), the Kennedy family might take exception when the found out. In short, in in the USA there are legitimate armigers who could be a bit miffed if someone used their bearings.
On the other hand, without (civil, there is a military one) a heraldic authority one is free to 'assume' arms; although there would be no protection against there misuse. If one is of British origin, one can petition for a grant of arms. The starting point, then, is to read some informative works on Heraldry, join a heraldic society, do some genealogical work and inventually petition for a grant.
Thomas
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