I believe that you have given me some information I didn't have before.
Mary must have been the first wife of Christian Heinrich (Charles Henry) Arfman, as in the 1900 census of Obrien county Iowa, he was married to Florence and had a child named Howard. The marriage occured sometime around 1898.
Unfortunately, I do not know who this Mary might have been. Based on what you have and what I have, though, I think your conclusion is sound. I know she died first, he remarried. Perhaps a first husband for her, although he seems a bit old for that role.
Kelly in RI
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